Scout

He's just the cutest lil dog ever.  Scout is our border collie/lab mix and he is 2 years old.  Here's just a few things we LOVE about him.

• His paws.  He uses them like a human does haha he hugs us and shakes our hand and swats our hands away when we annoy him.  They're a little too big for him too :P
• The way he prances around!  He's a way fast runner, but when he doesn't have the space to run he seriously just prances around with his oversized feet and floopy ears.  It's the cutest.

• All the cool noises he makes.  I love it when he yawns.  And sometimes when we dish up his food he makes "yum" noises :]
• He's super obedient.  We say sit and he does.  We say stay and he does.  We tell him to come and he does.  It's wonderful.

• As long as he has some friends around he is happy.  He follows us EVERYWHERE (needless to say he's hit his head on our knees numerous times) and doesn't even care to ever be outside as long as we are both with him.
• Scout is really adventurous like most dogs.  But we can tell he just lights up when we all go camping or hiking.
• The way he sits most of the time.  It's awkward lol.

• How we can basically tell what he's thinking.  It's so cute when he sits by the door and looks back at us with a face that says "mommy, daddy, are you coming?  I need to poop."
• When he cuddles up next to us during movies, and automatically thinks he's allowed on the bed in the morning right after I let him out and go back to sleep :]

• How when he's REALLY worn out he'll make sure he's near us before he sleeps.  And then he'll just be happy sleeping in any position haha.
• He not a sissy in the water.  He's such a good lil swimmer.
• Whenever me and Clifton are in separate rooms and he knows we won't be separated for too long, he stays in between us to make sure we're ok.

Saunders 2010 :)

Hair is EVERYWHERE!

That's it.  My body is on strike.  I refuse to shave and pluck.  It's all gonna grow back in 2 days anyways so what's the point.  To look good?  I DON'T CARE!  :P  I think God made a mistake, I shoulda been born a LONG time ago.  Ya know, where people ate with their hands and camped forever and just went all natural.  That must've been awesome :]

The D.I.

I LOVE D.I.!  For those who don't know, D.I. is short Deseret Industries.  Basically people donate all their junk they don't want anymore, and DI charges accordingly.  For example, me and clifton got an awesome leather couch in nice condition for only $40.  I bought 6 books today for $5.  You get the point.  So obviously there are a lot of really questionable looking things.  Not necessarily grody, because the employees sort through everything, clean out stains, fix broken items, and so on before putting them out on the floor.  If they put skidmark boxers up for sale I don't think they'd be quite as popular :P.  When I say questionable I mean "What was THAT person thinking?!" 

Haha which is exactly what makes D.I. adventures outrageously fun--even alone!  I've found it's something that makes me extremely happy.  I mainly stick to the books, but I always browse other areas because you NEVER know what you'll find!  Even for someone like me who can't even afford food D.I. is affordable.  I save up my tip from Blimpie just so that I can buy some "new" books from the glorious Deseret Industries.

Anyways the point is--besides how magnificent D.I. is--that I see now the lessons I'm learning by being flat broke.  I wish everyone had a chance to not be able to buy things (and by things I mean ANYTHING: clothes, movies, food, etc).  It's made me realize my true ambitions in life, it's made me see how beautiful things are, how giving people are, and it's made me learn to be happy without relying on outside entertainment.  I think there was actually a time when I would make a crusty face at the mention of D.I...like I thought I was above it or something.  I thank God now that I can afford little things that keep me sane and happy like my prized books from the Deseret Industries (even though it still has a weird smell lol).

Even if I didn't have my little tip money to purchase the strange items found there I know I'd still be happy going on an adventure to the D.I.  Because it shows me how blessed I am to have what I have :].  It shows me how beautiful "junk" is.  It shows me how beautiful people are for donating their "junk" without a second thought.  It shows me how beautiful my church is for being inspired to create a much needed place for the income-impaired.  And really, it shows me God :).  I just love the D.I.

Kissed by an Angel

I just finished an incredible book!  Actually 3.  I bought this book at Walmart a few months ago and just now started to read it.  Monkee asked me how long it was and I turned to the back and said it was 234 pages; a pretty simple read.  But a few nights ago while I was reading I noticed I was on page 130...and I still had 3/4 of the book to read.  I was super confused haha so I went through the book thoroughly and discovered it was a TRILOGY!!!  All in the same book!!!  Talk about a freaking treat!  I was so stoked.  I still get happy when I think about it hehe :].  I love value buys like that.  Anyways this trilogy is amazing.  Although I wouldn't recommend it if you don't believe in angels.  Even then, it's just fascinating.  It makes me want to be a guardian angel more than anything.  Sure I've wanted to my whole life anyways, but this book just made my desire so strong.  Strong enough that I secretly pray to be a guardian angel when I die.  Sshhh, don't tell ;P.  But read it, you'll like it :).

The ones that matter most.

I don't even care to have friends anymore.
The best ones I had were at Snow.
They never made anyone feel left out.
They were the most beautiful and creative people.
They were actually caring and real and humble!
Oh humility is such a wonderful thing!
I have my siblings and my husband and I feel like that's good enough for now.
Ooh and my new church friends too.
My group of friends is so retarded right now though.
From the 10 original friends it's basically been narrowed down to 4.
They have made everyone else feel extremely unimportant and left out...
It's not like they don't know either because I've said something.
Other people have said something.
So I'm just done.
I'm done trying to work things out with self righteous people who don't think they've done anything wrong.
I'm done with those supposed friends.

From now on I'm going to focus on making new friends from church.  On keeping friendships from college.  And especially my friendship with my family and my husband.  Cause those last two are the most important.  The ones that matter the most.

Church

So me and Clifton have been pretty inactive the past few years and we've definitely gotten better since meeting each other.  It's not that I don't want to go to church.  Maybe it was that at first, but now I have a true desire to attend and I'm trying hard to make it.  Last week we went to our ward for the first time and we were SO excited to meet our ward...but it turned out to be STAKE CONFERENCE!  So we were late AND we didn't get to meet anyone in our ward.  I've gotten to the point where I'm feeling panic-y and desparate to be in contact with our bishop or really just anyone.  Mainly cause I know everyone is learning and growing spiritual and I hate feeling left behind.  So I left my bishop a note in his office and he actually called today :]  such a relief.  And although my baby has to stupid work on Sunday, I know I will for sure be going to church.  I'm going because I want to be better and learn and get to the point of temple worthiness so we can be endowed; but I'm extremely excited to finally have a spiritual support system/family that's only found by going to church.

It's a secret ;D

Oh my gosh.  One of my best friends has the same secret bad habit as me.  I love her :]

Swabsky

One of Cliftons best friends just passed away.  He killed himself last Friday and his memorial service was today.  His name was Christopher James Swabsky and he grew to be one of my good friends as well.  Clifton was his best friend outside of family and we had no idea he struggled with depression.  Chris was one of the most caring people we ever knew.  He cared so much about the people around him and wanted them to be happy that I think that's why we didn't know...I don't think he wanted to "burden" us with the way he felt.  I wish we knew though.  We loved that kid.  He had such a beautiful and tender soul.  He was funny and loyal to his friends and a great kid.  And we thought he was genuinely happy!  He was always smiling.  He had the greatest smile :).

I miss him so much already and I know my husband does too.  He hasn't really said much about it and I think he's still a little in denial which totally makes sense.  But it's so hard for me to comfort him and try to make him feel better because it's a pain that really can't be taken away.

I think that's the hardest think about being married.  We've had our share of fights and some have been pretty serious, but there isn't anything I've experienced in marriage yet that's harder than this.  The person I love more than anyone and anything going through a hard time and not being able to take that hurt away like I want to.  We can always come back from a fight and we'll be stronger for it and we'll be able to take the hurt away together.  But this is something he has to work through in order to move passed it, and all I can really do for him is give him my love and support.

Love and miss you Chris.

God be with you til we meet again.

These are the days.

I am so happy right now.  I am so blessed with the things in my life.  I have an amazing husband, caring friends, a home I love, the freedom to dress how I want, and no really big trials.  Sure we could lose our home if I remain jobless because we can't afford it, but even then I know I'll still be happy.  I've done all I can do to get a job.  If for some reason we end up in a bind and have to move in with Cliftons parents or whoever I will remain just as happy.  I will be at peace that God is in control and that things happen for a reason...that I will have something to learn from our trials.  And I will still have my incredible loving husband and no matter what happens, I will remain happy as long as he's with me always. 

I LOVE MY CLIFTON!!!

He has given me the courage to do the things I love and not care what anyone thinks.  He has made me come to life in every way and I love him for it.  I love him for all that he is.  I'm so blessed he's mine.

I LOVE MY CLIFTON!!!

Pictures of YOU, pictures of ME! Hung up on your wall for the world to see!

Hahaha I'm not prego but I love this picture!  Tepanyaki adventure with friends...I had to sneak candy into the theater afterwards lol.

Volleyball Tuesdays!  Me and Christian being bored haha.

Half the group at Frog Rock; a frequent hangout of ours.

We went to Hogle Zoo to see the GIRAFFE!!!!

My birthday on October 8th and Cliftons on October 2nd=getting each other the same present :P

Camping up at the Meadows.  I love the hat he's wearing.  Basically it's mine now lol.

The guys :]

Me and my baby went on a lil vacation just driving wherever we wanted :)

We went up to his family property at lava and I put the camera on timer.  The hammock fell just before the picture took and I knew the picture was gonna take so I had some fun.  So funny hahaha.

Pumpkin night at the Blue Bungalow!

Seriously guys.  I love these women.  They are my wives.

Kendra love

Christian dear

Our awesome Halloween party!  I was Captain Crunch and he was a Cereal Killer.  Brilliant yes lol?

MY friends.

Hahaha oh man so Chris is being a creeper on the left and David is being a creeper on the right by the nerd.  He's wearying black so he's harder to see.  Then of course there's Kaisha by my tassles on the right.

I just love this picture.  I love my friends.

I NEED TO WRITE!!!

My hands are tense...grabbing, in need of a keyboard.
                             I NEED TO WRITE!
My mind is spinning with ten thoughts for every second...they need to escape before they're forgotten forever.
                             I NEED TO SPEAK!
My legs are awake and ready...to explore the earth with their willing muscles.
                             I NEED TO RUN!
My heart and sould are troubled...with no better word to describe it than chaos.
                             I NEED TO STOP FEELING!


Man.  I feel like I need to write all the time.  So many stories and so many thoughts in my head that are just waiting and ready to be made permanent.  I'm ready.  It feels like I am at least.  I haven't told many people about my ambition to write books.  So very many books!  All in my head.  They won't be bestsellers AT ALL and I'm ok with that :].  I just want to write me some books and get even one published.  What an incredible dream come true.  I love writing :]

The Zoo

Forced into fences when all I want is wilderness.

Being told it's for the best to save my species.

It's not.

Freedom.  That will save my species.

For freedom is happiness, and happiness is what will preserve.

The evil on the outside won't kill me.

My instincts are good.

Depression.

That will kill me.

Let me out.

Let US out.

Give me my fresh nature air.

And then I will be healed, and we will become more beautiful and alive than you can imagine.

"Friends"

I don't understand how I can be so giving to you and have nothing in return.

No surprises, no love, and no friendship.

I gave you so much because I thought it was important and you appreciated it.

It's not like I did it to get something in return, but after how much I selflessly dropped for you I at least expect friendship.

But what kind of friend flakes out as many times as you?

What kind of friend messes with my head like that?

What kind of friend is content with going weeks without talking?

I gave you so much.

That's why it was so hard to move on.

But I have now and all I've moved onto is more friends that are equally selfish and ungiving.

All I ask from you people is to think about me and be a good friend.

Why is that such an easy thing for me and my husband to do but so hard for you?

Don't you care about me?

Because your actions and the way you treat me prove otherwise.

Remembering birthdays and not lying about ditching us is the kinds of things that are important to us.

But you lie all the time.

About not wanting to do something or where you were.

You think we don't know?

You're wrong.

Why can't you be better?

Why can't you support me the way I support you?

Love me the way I love you and don't make me feel worthless.

It's hard enough to not feel like that.

I don't need you to bring me down too.

Remember that party I threw for you?

I wish I could take it back so you would feel the way I feel lots of the time around you.

Like crap.

Someone you can practice your mistakes on.

I thought you were a grownup?

No?

Yeah I guess not.

Because grownup friends don't treat each other like that.

Go practice your mistakes on your own ass, not mine.

You really hurt me.

It hurts that you won't do as much for me as I do for you.

It hurts I gave you anything at all.

out out out outbursts.

• I hate having to change passwords.  Apparently, there was suspicious activity with my gmail and I had to change the password.  Suspicious activity?  Whatever lol.  But because of that, when I came to my blog and it wasn't there I freaked out.  I HATE losing memory type things more than anything.  I'm a memory/picture/journal freak haha and I've dubbed myself the family historian :P.  It all worked out though thankfully :).
• It's such a hard feeling when you've been wrongfully fired.  I was fired from Fatcats basically for no good reason.  The whole situation got completely blown out of proportion and should've been handled a lot more professionally by my manager.  Fired for asking questions to understand something?  It was twisted all wrong and I'm still frustrated and confused.
• We went to the demolition derby last week and it was AWESOME!  It was part of Cliftons birthday present and it was my first one.  Pretty sure we'll be at every one next year 8).
• I love being in the mountains more than anything.  Same with Clifton.  There's something about being out in nature that is completely healing for me and him.  And for our new doggie Scout!  He gets really grumpy when he goes too long without the mountain freedom haha.
• I wish I had a good reliable job.  That way I could save up for a vacation to California with my husband for next year :).  We were supposed to go this week as our honeymoon/birthday bash...but we don't have money :(.  I hated not being able to go and I know he did too.  I felt like I let him down since I'm the one that got fired.
• POLYAMOROUS!  I love my group of friends and all my husbands and wives hahaha.  They really are the best.
• I know it's early, but I've already been thinking about my New Years resolution.  I don't usually do them because I think they're silly and pointless and almost everyone doesn't stick to them but this year I feel very strongly I should do this.  I'm going to blog every day for a whole year, and each day it will be about something different that I'm grateful for.  My year of thanks :].  I'm so excited!
• I hate her.  I want nothing more than to freaking embarrass her in front of all the people that are important to her and show them what she's really like.  It's bad, but true.  She ruined my friends and I hate her.  Fake bimbo whore.  Well there's really 2 girls that I hate.  One is obnoxious and immature and fake and shallow and she ruined our group a little bit.  The other is controlling and manipulative and hotheaded and immature and power hungry.  Basically what I'm saying is both=bitch!  The sad thing is we could've been great friends if they weren't life-ruiners lol.
• Drinking and driving is so idiotic.  My car got totaled by a drunk driver (I wasn't even in the car btw, it was parked by the curb) and I'm the one paying and suffering from it.
• I'm SO excited for the Halloween party!!!!!
• My favorite time of the day is the morning.  Clifton is so funny and so completely wonderful to wake up to.  I thought about what it would've been like if I didn't go the direction I did awhile ago and instead married someone else.  That man would've made me feel insecure and unsure.  I love my Clifton.  And I love our cute, dorky, hilarious mornings together when we wake up :].

The Moth King Forever

The moth flies into the overhead light again.

               forever blinded.
Somehow it's still beautiful, more so than the butterfly.
               forever humbled.
The light turns off and the moth is in its prime.
               forever grateful.
No one can stop the fuzzy selfless Moth King.
               forever noble.

So how's the married life?

I don't get why people always ask "so how's the married life?" Does anyone ever say it's the worst? Or is it a discreet way of asking how the sex is? Maybe people just care about my happiness and don't have anything better to say? I dunno. But I recently discovered THE best answer to this question haha. "How's being married?"


"Oh it's great I love being married, we have sex all the time."

Whether it's true or not...when me and Clifton make love it is no doubt making love. And we love each other a lot lot lot ;)

for him~for me~for god~for us

i lay here in bed with thoughts of love.
FOR HIM.
he knows my heart and kisses it's pulse.
FOR ME.
we're a solid pair and will one day be sealed.
FOR GOD.
FOR US.

The second night

This time making love was incredible.  We were both more in the mood.  You know, sex is always better when it's not expected and when the day hasn't been crazy and emotional and stressing.

Mr. and Mrs.

Since I'll be posting pictures of the wedding I won't really go into detail about that.  I'll just write what I remember most.

• Stressing for the first time since being engaged.
• Wanting to kill some people.
• Being angry Clifs mom (and basically everyone else) left decorating to get ready before me, the bride.  WTF?
• The time flying by before I walked down the aisle.
• Actually being nervous as I entered the gazebo.
• The guests standing during the whole ceremony cause Aaron forgot to tell them to sit.
• Crying out of love the whole ceremony.
• Thanking God there wasn't any wind.
• Lots of confusion and frustration before the reception.  Sometimes our wedding party is idiots.
• My arms practically falling off when I transformed my dress.
• Meeting lots of people and loving the photobooth.  Best decision.
• Being angry certain "friends" weren't there.
• Shoving the cake in Cliftons face.
• My awesome solo photostrip.
• Feeling bad everyone else was cleaning up and not me.
• Glad Leilani was there.
• Finally leaving.
• Being carried over the threshold haha.
• Surprise at the masterpiece Kari made in our bedroom.
• Candles and roses everywhere.
• Making love with my husband.

And that was...strange.  I've been physically involved before and Clifton knows that.  But it's never hurt before.  I cried because I felt like a disappointment and I was angry that when it was actually ok to be having sex I didn't want to do it because it hurt.  Clifton caught on and explained he couldn't feel anything because of the condoms.  Damn rubber penis gloves.  We made love a long time.  But finally I couldn't bear the pain anymore, and he was tired from not even being able to cum so we called it a night.  It was bittersweet though.  We took a hot bath afterwards and I loved that :].  We toasted to us.  The Mr. and Mrs. Saunders.

THINK before you ACT!

Last night I was working at FatCats and it was very...strange.  Seriously I've had some bad, stupid, grumpy, and happy customers.  But there must've been a full moon last night, because EVERYONE decided it was crazynight at crazytown.

My two workers were at their registers with lines that kept growing while I was grabbing shoes and helping out anyone with questions.  It was slow at first, but it seemed like out of nowhere everyone decided to attack the front desk.  I hate it when people do that.  Anyways I had someone from the billiards tables come straight to me to return the stuff and I'm pretty positive he was extremely drunk.  He had two tables and was only bringing back one while the other table finished their game.  I could not for the life of me get him to understand me.  I kept asking him which table he was returning as he continued to tell me he had two tables.  After 5 minutes of the runaround I finally just turned one table off not caring if it was the one still playing (when we turn off the table the lights go out so the players can't see).  Then the other table came up and he told me to close the other one so I did, then he tried to give me his money.  Wtf?  He wasn't even in line.  I explained to him that he couldn't just go in front of customers that have been waiting in line.  It totally makes sense to turn off their tables immediately so they don't get charged more while waiting in line but it didn't make sense to him why he had to wait in line.  He threw a fit and tried to grab the receipts from me but I had a feeling that if I gave him the receipts, he would conveniently "lose" one and we wouldn't be able to charge him.  So finally the jerk got in line and paid...I was so glad I hold on to the ID until after they pay.

After that I continued grabbing tons of shoes and fixing lanes and answering questions and helping the new guy on his register.  I was being worn out a little thin...but hey to make things better ANOTHER crazy drunk came up.  He started yelling because he was on the 5th frame and couldn't finish his game.  I looked at his lane information and he had paid for the hour for 2 people.  They were on the FIFTH game lol.  So I told him he couldn't finish his game and he smiled and left.  Apparently it wasn't settled like he thought, because he came back and said "WHAT THE FUCK?!  I CAN'T FINISH MY GAME?!  THAT'S FUCKED UP!!!"  He was super mad.  So I told him he paid only $10 for what would normally be $30 because of how many games he played.  He thankfully walked off, but I was at a breaking point and started crying while I grabbed some shoes.  The customers I was grabbing shoes for witnessed the whole situation with both drunks and they saw that I was crying.  And they didn't say or do anything.

The whole situation just made me think.  What causes a person to lash out like that?  I have done nothing wrong.  In fact I was being extremely polite and I wasn't ripping them off in the slightest!  Being rude for no reason never makes sense to me.  Sure maybe they had a bad day and I understand that...but if you're having a bad day why the HELL would you go out in public?  When I have a bad day I just wanna lay in my bed and watch movies haha.  Because I know that if I go somewhere I will be rude and people that work in customer service do not deserve that.  I DO NOT DESERVE THAT.  It's hard enough working in customer service all day.  Dealing with cheats and idiots and grumps.  And then having to clean up after everyone.  Peachy day.  I just don't get it though.  And I don't get why the customers that saw what happened didn't say anything either.  If I see someone being mistreated, you bet your ass I will say something.  We are children of GOD...imagine what happens when a man mistreats a daddys girl and what the father does in that situation...then times it by a gazillion!  Who the hell would mess with Gods children like that when they will pay for it in an eternal way one day?  Just something to chew on.

So next time you go somewhere, think about all the shit the person helping you has gone through in their personal life and at their job and think about the way you treat them.  Do you make their job harder by complaining about prices they can't control?  Do you act snide or rude or better than them?  Or do you treat them like princes and princesses and compliment them on their looks or how they are doing their job?  THINK.  Before you act.

My life is ridiculous haha

So since my car got totaled by a drunk driver, I've been making my way around on a razor scooter.  Let me tell you.  They are AWESOME.  Sure it gets a little tiring especially when it takes 40 minutes to get to work...but I'm lucky enough to have a job.

Anyways!  Yesterday I went grocery shopping for the first time without the car and...ha that was a joke.  We only live like a mile and a half from Walmart which really isn't so bad...with a CAR.  Just picture some girl scootering along the busiest street with 10 grocery bags on her arms and handlebars.  And then picture her fall.  Yeah that was fun :D.

I didn't get hurt or anything, but I couldn't stop laughing because lots of the time--my life is just ridiculous.  And I love it :]

The rhyming fight

My love and I just got in a fight,
it was stupid and we'll make it right.
I hate how I feel and I miss my man,
I closed the door on him and then he ran.
We were both dramatic of that I regret,
Our feelings are important but surely not set.
Another tear falls as I think of his hug,
He should be holding me now that gives my heart a tug.
We just need a night some time to think,
It'll all work out cause our love will never sink.
But for now it's ok to be really sad,
I love Clifton Saunders he's a great lad.

Dog eater!

Yesterday while I was reading my book in the car on the way home Clifton said, "Whenever I see a bum with a dog I always wonder if he only keeps it just to eat later when he runs out of food."

Hahahaha!  Sad.  And morbid haha.

First Kiss to Last ;]

I am going to be Jesse Lynn Cleveland Saunders in only 12 DAYS!!!  I can't wait.  Obviously haha.  Since being engaged I haven't really been scared at all to get married.  For me it feels completely natural :).  I have, however, noticed myself thinking of guys I wish I would've kissed.  It is a little strange that I will never have the excitement of a first kiss again but I've come to be perfectly happy with that.  Ok, I admit I'll miss that.  But I have something much more than a first kiss.  I have a last kiss :].  And that's exciting enough for me hehe.

TWELVE DAYS!!!

Chris

Chris used to be one of my best friends.

And Cliftons.

But now he's not and I don't understand why.

He's too much of a pansy to talk things out.

I feel like I'm not worth keeping around.

That makes me sad.

But today I just really really miss him :[.

I'm a barefooted freak.

One of the greatest things in life that I've discovered is being barefoot :].  That's right.  I'm the crazy naturalist that runs through the forest naked and has flowers in my long long hair.  Oh man I wish :D.  Anyways, any chance I get I have my shoes and socks off.  We were made to be barefoot!  It's just unnatural to wear shoes.  My feet need freedom!  So since my car got totaled by a drunk driver, I've discovered riding around on my razor scooter is quite effective.  Especially when my feet are free.  Clifton hates that I scooter home from work 40 minutes with no shoes.  Yeah, he's one of THOSE people.  Shoe lover.  Don't worry though, I'll break him in ;).

That's all lol.  I really just wanted to write about how incredible feet are.  And yes.  I'm going shoeless on my wedding day hahaha.

Blue Bungalow (official name of our house despite what Clifton says)

Our home!

The bedroom after being painted.  I'm too lazy to post more than one of the bedroom lol.

Kitchen before...fugly paneling lol

Kitchen AFTER!  Better right?

Ok we need to do dishes, I know lol

Living Room before

Living room after :]

The entrance view

And some more good ol living room.

HOORAY FINISHED HOME :]!!!

Painters Hell

Ok


A:  Whoever said moving is fun is crazy [me included]
B:  Painting is even less fun, especially while painting wood paneling without any help.
C:  I'm still so glad to be out of the camper trailer and into our home.


Although I will admit, I've had a good amount of breakdowns.  Like last night while painting by myself.  I was so mad at Clifton because he was just sitting on the couch and it made me feel like I was alone in everything.  Obviously no one likes that feeling.  So I asked him to leave because I couldn't take it anymore.  I'm ridiculous lol.  He refused to leave which made me even more mad.


We ended the night in a paint fight though :).  See.  He's perfect for me :).  That doesn't change the fact that I hate painting though lol.

I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE INTO MINE AND CLIFTONS NEW HOME TODAY :]

Outbursts of MY Heart

I've debated with myself a lot about creating a blog...I mean.  Another blog haha.  I've had a few blogs, all of which failed miserably.  But I think the reason they failed was because I was so focused on making it for other people and not for myself.  All I really wanted was for people to see how happy I am and to comment on my blog and how jealous they are of my life and my computer "skills" ;P.

That's why I decided to start this blog.  It won't be about anyone else but me.  Well ok, and Clifton being hot haha.  I just want somewhere simpler to vent and not be afraid of just being myself.  I probably won't let my friends know about this blog until a few months go by because I won't be able to make it mine with people watching.  If that even makes sense o_O.  I'm at a point where I need to be braver to be myself and talk about whatever is on my mind.  These past 2 weeks have been tough for me confidence wise and I've realized that certain things need to change.  That change starts here :].

So be prepared for stories about love, hate, embarrassment, church, humility, pride, sex, family, God, work, and everything else I feel like writing.  Because I won't hold back.  These are going to be outbursts of my heart.