Cheesepuff Balls

Oh yeah.  I totally bought these today.  I never buy junk food.  Until today.

Time alone

I love being with my husband.  We have an incredible relationship.  Sometimes I just need some time alone though.  I get sick of people really fast if I'm around them a LOT during the week, but Clifton is different.  I rarely get sick of my honeybuns.  That's one of the many reasons I knew he was for me.  I can easily tolerate him forever.  That cutie.  But today I just needed some time alone.  And that's ok.  It let me think and ponder and get rid of any negative powers in my life.  Rejuvenating is the word.  I love rejuvenating.

Zumba

I just did Zumba for the first time tonight!  It was so much fun!  Dancing+a workout plan=awesome.  Go try it, it's a blast.

Pinterest

Pinterest is all the rage you know.  I've been hearing about it for months and finally decided to see what is so great about it.  I love it.  I probably won't get an account, but it's reminded me of one of the most important things to hold onto from your childhood; creativity.  There are so many things I love and want to do with my family so I'm excited!  Here are some "pins" I like; they aren't the best ones I've seen, but they are the ones I can quickly grab at the moment.  I don't have any posted, but some of my favorite pins have been re-purposing things like putting cloth over a shoe box lid to create the "canvas" lid.  I love diy and giving things second chances, even if it may just be a piece of paper or broken drawer etc.

Professor one on one

I am a failure.
Literally.

I got kicked out of Snow College.  Shhh, don't tell.

This was years ago of course, and I have learned so much throughout my time at Snow.  The biggest thing I've learned, or perhaps re-learned, is to love education.  I'm going to Weber State now and between my time at Snow as well as taking a break from school, I want to be here.  I LOVE LEARNING!  I LOVE SCHOOL!  I feel like I just want to be a permanent student as my career.  I cannot get enough of school and the things I'm learning.  I am actually studying and going to class unlike last time and it is making a phenomenal impact!

I just took my first exam in history and I got 78%.  I was not very happy with that score so I went to my professors office hours today.  He informed me that he changed one of the answers  so I actually got 80%.  Wahoo!  Not amazing, but better than a C, and much better than a D or F.  I appreciate the one-on-one he was willing to provide during office hours so I can succeed in school.  I know professors can be really busy so it's nice to know they actually care and want their students to do well.

Gas relief. Pfft.

Have you ever gone to the doctors office for something incredibly stupid?  I always hear people say that and I've even said "I don't want to go to the doctor because it'll probably be nothing" but I've never actually had that happen.  Every time I go to the doctor I am sick or getting a physical or have some strange rash (which ended up being scabies but no one figured it out for a whole year...I was miserably itchy).  The past 2 weeks I have had this intense pain in my chest; it hurt to breathe and it often felt like my lung was collapsing or being squeezed.  I talked with my older sister, who is in the medical field, and she couldn't think of anything but walking pnemonia.  She told me to go see the doctor.  After a few days I finally decided to set up an appointment.  The breaking moment?

Me and Clifton were watching Star Trek when my dog decided to cuddle with us on the couch.  He hopped up but his whole lower body was hanging completely off the couch which was hilarious to watch.  Scout kept trying to stabilize himself by kicking the air but he was honestly just so happy to be snuggling with his owners that he didn't care all that much.  Clifton and I busted up laughing at our adorable dog and the minute I started laughing the pain increased.  I love it when my husband laughs his true gut laugh.  It makes me overwhelmingly happy that I always start laughing when he's truly laughing.  Because when something is funny enough for my husband to laugh at with all of his gut, it must be funny.  The combination of our dog and Cliftons laugh sent me into hysteria.  I was focusing all of my energies on not laughing because I could barely breathe when I did.  Then of course I was so amused that I had to concentrate on holding in my bladder as well.  Tragically, they were both things that required my full focus so I decided to focus on not laughing.  And I peed my pants.  Embarrassing?  Always.  Funny?  Yep.  Sad?  You bet.  I always start crying when I have an accident so it was at that moment I decided to go see the doctor.

I was so scared to go to the office alone so I made my prego sister join me.  I am such a child sometimes.  The doctor was a new one and he had a bit of an accent--I have no idea from where because I'm not good with that kind of thing.  He decided it was an issue important enough for the x-ray.  Dun dun dun.  It was the first x-ray I'd had done in years and it was a little exciting for me.  After that was finished he came into the room and said I have a big gas bubble working its way through my system.  His accent made it sound like "big-ass bubble" which was very humorous to me and my sister.

I went to the doctor because of gas?  You have got to be kidding me.  I've had a few more days of pain and today I was finally to relieve that pain with the help of all the metamusal I've been taking.  Oh yes.  Gas relief.  You know the feeling.  It's wondrous.

Egg toast

I finally bought eggs today.  And bread.  I find it so hard to spend money on food.  I'm fine spending money on clothes or candles or movies or what have you, but I feel like my money is wasted when I buy food.  It's so discouraging to work so hard at a negative job, receive a small paycheck which goes directly towards bills, then spend the small remainder of money on something that disappears in a day anyway!  It's an ongoing battle for me.  Yes, I enjoy cooking for my husband and taking care of him.  It doesn't happen very often though, because I genuinely struggle with "wasting" money on food.  Plus I hate cooking for two.  I grew up in a big family and it's so much easier for me to make big portion sizes.  It feels like I should have 10 other people in the house to cook for.  I know I sound crazy but I am confident that will be a more simple task for me!  At least then there will be so many people that food won't go bad.  I get so discouraged when bread gets moldy, or bananas brown, or the spaghetti sauce is growing bacteria.

That's all beside the point though.  I made myself egg toast tonight while I watched CSI.  It was a good evening.  I'm so glad I learned how to make this wonderful egg toast.  It's delicious and I'm grateful for it today.

Girls night

Tonight Carrie and I finally got together.  We made pizza, which was delicious, and watched "My Name is Earl".  It was a great night.  It was just what I needed.  She is such a wonderful friend.  In fact, she's one of the only people I actually consider my friend.  We were able to catch up and talk a lot about our lives.  I miss her when I don't see her every week.  I always feel right at home with her.  I am so grateful for her and the time we got to spend together tonight!

New clothes!

I haven't bought new clothes in years.  It felt great.

Road Signs?! #$%#

Yes!  Cliftons mancave is finally clean and complete!  Thanks to me.  All me.  He did nothing.  For his room.  Take a gander?  The other wall has a few more signs, along with his dartboard.  Then all throughout the room is his knive collection.  I'm awesome.

Clothes browsing

is really quite fun.

Good professors

Today I walked into my History 1700 class and something strange took over me.  My professor walked in and my heart went wild.  A crush?  A big fat massive schoolgirl crush you say?  It was weird to say the least.  I have never, in my history of learning, ever had any type of crush on any type of instructor.  Talk about inappropriate.  OK, it's not inappropriate since it's not a "I'm gonna act on my feelings" crush.


The thing is, my professor is brilliant.  He loves what he teaches and he wants us to love it to.  He is a superb teacher.  He keeps everyone interested in what he's saying and he is very animated.  I am so grateful for good professors like him.  They make learning so much more fun.

Movie Editor

Today I learned my computer has a movie editing feature.  Now, movies have never really been my thing.  My sister, Kari, got me hooked on youtube and I finally created an account not too long ago so that I could post comments and 'favorite' my top songs.  Somehow I came across JoeThursdays, which is an awesome youtube channel.  Go there.  Go there now.  I watched his videos for hours one day instead of studying; I don't regret it at all.  Watching his videos has made me want to try out vlogging, or putting together cool music videos.

Not only that, but I've gotten bored of photo editing.  I'm not saying I'm great at it, but with the low-tech "equipment" I have I feel like I've learned everything I possibly can.  It's gotten too easy and mundane.  It doesn't interest me like it used to.  I am confident that when I get a great camera and photo editor, along with shadowing actual photographers, there will be a lot more that I can learn.  Until then I need something more challenging.

Enter video editing.  For my brothers birthday I decided to do something really special since this is his first birthday in a long time he's single (technically he's not since he and Meg are back together...again...good grief).  Last week the brilliant idea came to me!  I interviewed each family member and asked them what they loved about Aaron.  After hours of putting together photos, videos, and songs his birthday video is turning out quite nicely.  I believe in diy, so I may be a little slower at learning the basics of video, but the important thing is I am learning and after a few hours I feel like I have fully caught on.

I know I'm not talented at video editing or photo editing, but I love doing it!  Today I am grateful for movie editors, for keeping my mind intrigued and giving me a proper challenge.

Being uniquely you.

One of the best bits of advice I've ever gotten was "Don't try to catch up.  You either write or you don't.  Don't think about how much you need to update, because then it will be too much and you will never write."  I don't remember who told me that which is really too bad, but it was when I was a teenager and it was in reference to journal writing.  It is totally true.  I have not written a complete entry in my journal in well over a year, maybe even two.  When I read through my older journals I go crazy when I get to an entry that says "Today was so amazing! Me and Aaron checked Madie and Ammon out of" or "I can't stop crying".  WHAT?!  Why not?!  What made the day fabulous?  Why was I crying?  Come on Jesse from the past, get it together!  Now that's not to say my journals consist purely of incomplete entries because they don't.  I probably only have a handful of meaningless one-liners.  Being honest, I don't have a complete journal entry in such a long time because I've only written in my journal 3 times in the past two years.  It's shameful.  I always get mad at myself for that.  Yet the perfectionist in me, which has somehow blown up and gotten to be extreme over the past month, refuses to not catch up.  I feel obligated to update on my life thus far and that is what holds me back.

The same thing goes for blogging.  I hate reading blogs that are constantly apologizing for the delayed update or blog; that's just not my style and I'm pretty sure I have never done it.  If you are reading this and you do it, no big deal.  It doesn't make sense to me to apologize, when really we're (I'M?  Maybe I'm the only one.) just as glad to read anything about your life whether it be the day of or a month later.  I have not blogged solely for the reason that I do not have internet and after a few weeks realized what a pain it is to catch up.  I actually almost gave up on my New Year resolution and goal yesterday, but thankfully that quote came to mind.  I refuse to fail.  I need to finish this New Year resolution to prove to myself that it is possible to have a goal and follow through with it; especially a NEW YEAR goal.  I don't know anyone that has completed their New Year resolution.  Is that a challenge?  Perhaps.  Yes.  Either way, I am determined to finish strong.

I feel like I have learned a lot already from this goal of mine.  Through reading other blogs, and going back and reading my own, my writing has progressed significantly.  I am definitely not a clever or talented writer, but I have matured as a writer.  It's obvious in my very first post from this year (the link is given in the previous paragraph).  Who puts "haha" in their writing?!  I am embarrassed.  Granted, this is no English class and it is really just my online journal which I print, but I personally enjoy reading posts that are better written.  Everyone has their own style and it's interesting to see that style unfold and reveal itself.

Another thing I've learned is that there is so much to be grateful for, even on the worst of days.  I have already been grateful for 260 days and there are numerous other things to be grateful for that I can think of at the moment.  My favorite quote is the one at the top of my page:  "Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."

Perhaps the biggest thing I've learned this year, whether from dedicating the year to gratitude or from multiple experiences throughout, is to fully love and accept who I am and who others are.  I love my acne, my cellulite, my weak wrists, my short nails, my alien toes, my ivory colored teeth, my perfectionism, and everything else that many people consider disgusting or unattractive.  When you really think about it why does it matter?  So what if I have pimples?  It isn't physically damaging.  Sure I may get pock marks later on, but acne is something that I've had to learn to accept.  I have been on multiple medications to get rid of this "skin flaw" but nothing has been ultimately effective.  It was the most difficult thing for me to handle in high school but I have grown from that and learned that it does not matter.  I have acne.  So what?  So what if I don't bleach my teeth to the color of glow-in-the-dark?  I brush my teeth.  My "imperfect" teeth color doesn't hurt you or me so why care about it?  So what?  So what if I get cellulite on my legs?  I work out and I don't eat a whole bunch of junk.  It is largely hereditary, and it doesn't do me or you harm.  I find it entertaining occasionally.  I have learned that if you are nit-picky with yourself about minor "imperfections", you will be that way with other people whether you mean to or not.  It ruins what you think of yourself and it ruins the relationships you have.  One of my best friends from high school made a wonderful post a few months ago conveying this same concept.  I haven't read the post since then so I really hope I have not stolen her words!  I'm terrified of plagiarism.  Reading her blog is what got me thinking about all of this in the first place.  I don't understand why people constantly criticize and condemn those that are different from them, or not "up to par" in the looks department.  It's senseless.

It bothers me that our society in general has become a massive race to be the "most attractive".  I hate that people refuse to accept everything they are in order to obtain something that is not unique and individual to them.  Why try to be the same as everyone else?  Being different is a beautiful thing!  Don't ruin that.  I know, it sounds like I'm complaining about life.  I love life and the human race.  I don't think my way of living is any better than anyone elses.  I think there is, however, something to be said for self-discovery, acceptance, and most importantly love though.  Love yourself.  Everything about yourself.  Every.  Day.

June 1-September 16

June
1.  Lessons learned
2.  Kari
3.  Wussies
4.  Experience
5.  Clifton days
6.  New shoes
7.  Studies
8.  Drive in
9.  Laurie
10.  Clean sheets
11.  Horny days
12.  Rage energy
13.  French kisses and soft touches
14.  Freedom
15.  Special needs
16.  Fresh produce
17.  Trails & refuge
18.  Accomplishments
19.  Races
20.  Know thyself-socrates
21.  Hobbies
22.  Disc golf
23.  Opportunity
24.  Pioneers
25.  Carrie
26.  RAGNAR
27.  Bachelorette parties
28.  Toy Story
29.  Gandolfo's
30.  Causey

July
1.  Cars
2.  hAiRcUtS
3.  Aerial fireworks
4.  4th festivities
5.  Journal
6.  Healing
7.  My love for organizing
8.  House sitting
9  Obstacle courses
10.  Youtube!
11.  Adventures
12.  Antelope Island
13.  Trading shifts
14.  Family time
15.  Shutterfly
16.  Ellen Degeneres
17.  Sprinklers
18.  King size beds
19.  Harry Potter
20.  Rodeo
21.  Resolving arguments
22.  Sleep talk
23.  Leftovers
24.  Oma
25.  BLT, Twix, & Sparkling Cider
26.  Self discovery
27.  James
28.  Cliftons financial situation
29.  Sibling dates
30.  Meatballs yum
31.  Massages

August
1.  Comfort
2.  "birth control"
3.  Ibuprofen
4.  Country music
5.  Deamer family
6.  Pads
7.  Sister shopping
8.  Good breakfast
9.  Apathy
10.  My home
11.  Moms money
12.  Ambers family
13.  Family hikes
14.  Fruit!!!!!!!
15.  Fatcats
16.  Time passing quickly
17.  Pineview Damn
18.  Monkee & Scooter
19.  Determination
20.  Cell phone
21.  Moms education experience
22.  School
23.  Public transportation
24.  Acting
25.  Things that come together with effort
26.  Strange inventions
27.  Study helps
28.  Mom
29.  Consistent schedule
30.  Helping friends
31.  Game night

September
1. The fall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2.  Madie
3.  Color coordination
4.  Night games
5.  Motivating stress
6.  Tonia
7.  Photo shoots
8.  FIRST ANNIVERSARY!!!
9.  Camping
10.  The end of some weeks
11.  Cliftons calmness
12.  Being a leader
13.  Road signs
14.  Pizza Runner & Grounds
15.  Promotions
16.  Arrested Development