Unsolicited Advice

It's hard learning lessons sometimes.  I'm grateful for it, but it's still hard.  I think the biggest part of learning lessons is realizing that something I said or did hurt someone so bad that I need to really work on changing it, especially when no harm was meant; or that I'm really not doing as well as I thought.  I know that I can't please everyone and I accept that fact on most days.  I am someone that needs people to tell me when I'm being rude or selfish or moody or some other negative attribute.  If people don't tell me I don't realize it and I therefore can't change it.  I've already mentioned that I will always have to keep my moods in check.  It's not something that will permanently change, but it is something I can keep in control and moderation so I don't hurt those around me as well as myself.  Today I really learned how important it is for me to keep my mouth shut.
I am a strong believer in just being real.  Getting to the point, saying things how they are, no bending the truth or reading between the lines.  It's extremely frustrating for me when adults play mind games or dance around the real issue.  A friend of mine is in a management position and when another mutual friend asked to be hired, he told her a few different reasons.  All of the reasons were true but contradicting to how he hired other people.  The actual reason was that he didn't want to hire her and he told me that he didn't.  She would've been fine and accepted that but she sensed he wasn't being entirely honest and that was what she had a problem with.  I believe that people can sense when someone else is being dishonest.  I believe people can sense genuity.  It's a lot harder as adults to sense but it's something I think our spirits can definitely detect.  No one likes dishonesty in any of it's forms and I'd say that hurt feelings or being angry about something is about 75% because our souls can feel the dishonesty.  I don't think my friend meant to hide the real reason.  He is so kind and tries so hard not to be rude and he succeeds; in succeeding he fails.  He thought telling her flat out would've been hard for her, but it's harder to deal with the sugar coated truth.  I'm not bashing his ways because he is a wonderful person.  I want you to understand how important being completely truthful is to me.  Not everyone can handle it though and that's something I need to remember.

Me and my sister are in a fight right now because of the whole family pictures dealio.  You know, the day where Kristin went crazy?  Maybe I went crazy.  Probably.   A few days ago she called me and we talked but then we started fighting.  She doesn't want to be a pushover and because of that she is being a bully.  I don't know what happened that made her feel this way, but she feels very taken advantage of...by pretty much everyone.  She's had a lot of anger building up inside of her and when we spoke she brought up things that have happened in the past that she has been angry about.  She is trying to make a positive change in her life which is great.  I was frustrated with the things she brought up, because they are things she didn't even look upset about; in fact they are things her and I bonded over.  Clearly my point of view is distorted and everyday conversation can be very upsetting to unhappy people.  I have been very upset about the things she said and finally got ahold of myself today and realized what needed to be done.

Not too long ago I was reading myinfertilelifeunedited.blogspot.com, and she was talking about a recent appointment she went to.  She has been struggling with infertility for SEVEN years and after briefly chatting with a lady next to her in the waiting room the lady said to her "just relax and you'll get pregnant."  She has never had an actual period.  Her body is physically incapable of being pregnant without treatments and pills and even then it is extremely difficult.  It's not something that will happen just by relaxing and she wanted to yell at the lady for saying so.  At the end of her post she said this:

"Unsolicited advice, no matter how well-intended, is never welcome."

I now fully agree with her.  I have given my sister advice and told her she just needs to relax and that it's pointless to hold onto anger, especially when I've sincerely apologized multiple times.  Kristin did not like me telling her how to live her life as if mine was so much better.  That's not at all what I had intended but in all reality that is what I was doing, whether it was knowingly or not. 

From here on out, I need to keep my mouth shut.  Not everyone is like me and needs things to be said as straightforward as possible.  It's what makes people beautiful and unique--our differences.  I hate not being able to say how I feel when I feel it, because that makes me feel fake and I hate that.  But if it's not something that will make the person feel better about their life and relationships it will always do more harm than good.  That's not worth losing family over.

I am grateful for the lesson that I learned this week and especially today.  I was really struggling with the things that were happening with Kristin and I needed counsel from my mom.  Before I could get that counsel I realized what needed to be done and that's exactly what.  I am the problem.  As hard as that is for me to accept it has been accepted and I will embrace the beautiful unsolicited advice I recieved while reading myinfertilelifeunedited.